I’ve been disappointed in my posts these past two months. (Not all the time, but often enough.) When I am, it’s because they seem generic, even review-like. I don’t see my memories in them. And worse, I don’t hear my voice.
Two things seem to be at play:
1. I haven’t had much free time, so I’ve written posts long after finishing a book or watching a movie. Which means the posts are memories of memories, and given how rushed I’ve been the initial experiences remembered were probably dim and bland to begin with. So not great raw material.
2. While the delay between experience and post certainly matters, the bigger source of change seems to be that so many of these posts are written immediately as posts. In the past, I’ve always worked through my thoughts in my notebooks before writing. Without that working through with pen and paper, my posts and my memories and my thoughts feel thin and tentative, like the beginning of thoughts rather than their realization. Worse, I’ve seen myself yielding to the temptation to cover for the lack by talking big. Which I hate.
Until my hellishly busy semester comes to an end in a few weeks, I’ll be writing short, nearly summary posts until I’m caught up. Then when I can think again: back in business.
…I’ve always joked that I was a reviser rather than a writer. These last few months feel like a kind of natural experiment establishing this as true.